Death takes a holiday
by HunterKiller666
Summary: Death takes a vacation, and choses Kenny to become his replacement for that time, but what happens when he is supposed to kill the ony girl he ever truly loved? Inspired by Supernatural episode 'Appointment in Samarra'
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

Kenny McCormick had done a lot of things. At age of fifteen he had already visited more countries than most people do in their whole lifetime, and had seen more celebrities than you can imagine. He was giving Liane Cartman a good run for the tittle of biggest slut in South Park, and had tried almost every drug in existence. And on top of all that, he had died for few hundred times, and seen both Hell and Heaven, and met both God and Satan.

And despite all that, there were still some things that managed to suprise him.

* * *

Kenny walked from school to home, simply because he couldn't afford the bus ticket. Being from the poorest family in town sucked. When he walked past Tom's Rhinoplasty, he saw a familiar figure in black robe in dark alley.

''So what is it going to be this time?'' Kenny turned to look at the figure. ''Beating yesterday won't be so hard. Escaped convict breaking my neck was pretty unoriginal even for you, Death.''

''I am not here to kill you.'' Death said. ''I'm here to make you a proposition.''

Kenny started thinking about what Death could possibly want from him.

''Do you know how old I am?'' Death asked.

''No.'' Kenny answered ''But I'm guessing that you're over million years old.''

''I am even older than you can possibly fathom.'' Death said ''I remember when your species was still some bacterias swimming in the oceans. And do you know how many vacations I have had during that time? NONE! But I am planning to take one now.''

''Why are you telling me this?'' Kenny asked.

''I want you to be my replacement for next week.'' Death said.'

''And why would I do that?'' Kenny asked.

''To get a taste of what's coming to you.'' Death said, and Kenny looked confused, so Death continued. ''I am planning to retire some day, and you are one of the top canditates for becoming my successor.''

''Why me?'' Kenny asked.

''Because you know more about death than most people.'' Death said. ''So do you want to get firsthand experience of your possible future occupation?''

Kenny tought about it for a minute. ''Yes''

''Good, you will begin Monday.'' Death said, and started laughing.

''What's so funny?'' Kenny managed to ask before being crushed between a car and a building.

''I told you to turn right Marty'' An old woman riding shotgun said to the driver.

* * *

Monday came faster than Kenny expected, and as he woke up and went to his wardrobe, he noticed that his orange parka wasn't there, and it had been replaced by a black hoodie. He pulled the hoodie on, and noticed that there was a letter in the pocket of the hoodie, and a large scythe had appeared to his bed.

He grapped the scythe, and as soon as he got hold of it, he noticed that he wasn't in his bedroom any more. He was in Hell, and he was approached by two boys, who were around his age. One of the had blond hair, and wide smile, while the other had black hair and face so empty of emotion, that even Craig would have been jealous.

''Kenny, splendid to see you.'' The blond boy said.

''You too Pip.'' Kenny said, and turned to the black haired boy. ''Thorn.''

''McCormick.'' Damien replied.

''So what are you guys doing here?'' Kenny asked.

''Death appointed us as your assistants.'' Damien explained.

''We shall have a gay time together.'' Pip said. ''And by gay I mean jolly and not that kind of relationship people think that Damien and I have.''

That suprised Kenny. ''Wait, so you two are not, you know, together?''

That question managed to whipe the smiled from Pip's face, and Damien's face and eyes started to turn red from anger.

''If you weren't death I would kill you for asking that question.'' Damien said, and fireball shot out of the tip of his finger, and it hit Mussolini, who was burned to death.

'' Oh mein Gott, tötete er Mussolini'' Hitler shouted.

''Svoloch'' Stalin replied.

''Rigth-o Kenny, I think now would be good time to open that letter'' Pip said.

Kenny opened the letter and red.

_ Kenneth McCormick_

_I have chose Mr. Thorn and Mr. Pirrup to act as your assistants during your time replacing me. If you have any questions, ask them. DO NOT DISTURB ME. Both of them have the list of people you need to kill. You will only kill those on the list, and nobody else (I know that killing Mr. Cartman sounds tempting, but killing him now would lead into great disaster.) And you will not, in any case leave anyone on the list alive._

_ Death_

''We better get moving.'' Damien said. ''So many people to kill, so little time.''

* * *

**_Authors Notes: Some parts of this fic's plot are inspired by Supernatural episode ''Appointment in Samarra.'' And also, if you think you know the translation to what Hitler and Stalin said (it's pretty easy) shoot me a PM. I will think of some reward for first three people to translate it correctly._**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

The three teenagers appeared to a park in some small town. In front of them, sitting in bench was a fat man eating pizza.

''So I'm guessing that tubby over there is going to have heartattack?'' Kenny said, and just as he finished speaking, the man dropped a slice of pizza he was holding, and grapped his chest, and fell to ground. Kenny walked to where the man was laying, and touched his shoulder, and he stopped moving. Kenny turned around and saw the man looking at his own body.

''What just happened?'' The man asked.

''I hate to break it to you buddy, but you are dead.'' Kenny said.

''Dead? How?'' The man asked, looking confused.

''Well if I had to bet, I'd put my money on extra cheese.'' Kenny said looking at the pizza.

''Yeah, I guess you're right'' The man said. ''But it was totally worth it.''

The man disapeared in a flash of light, and the boys moved to next location.

* * *

A woman in a buisness suit was walking on a street and talking to a phone.

''I don't have time for that David.'' The woman said to phone. ''You're 40 years old, you can make your own coffee.''

Just then, the woman was hit by a car and flew off the street. Kenny felt bad for her, because he had first hand experience with getting hit by car. He moved to the woman and touched her, and her spirit appeared next to him.

''So I'm dead?'' The woman asked.

''Yep'' Kenny replied.

''Can I ask you a question?'' The woman said, looking at Kenny, who nodded and she countinued.'' What is the meaning of life?''

Kenny tought for second before anwering. ''Forty two.''

''Forty two'' The woman repeated. ''What does that even mean?''

''Well'' Kenny answered ''You got an eternity with great thinkers like Einstien to figure it out.''

The woman disapeared in flash of light.

''Smartass'' Damien muttered to himself as they moved to next location.

* * *

Kenny looked at the yellow shirt with black letters GGWK printed on it. He had one of those shirts too, but it was now too small for him, and his sister now wore it. He turned around and saw a blond girl around his age sleeping in a bed. He then took a picture, in which a group of nine year old kids stood on a stage, all wearing yellow t-shirts. He recognized a lot of people from the picture, including Stan, Kyle Cartman and Bradley Biggle aka Mint-Berry Crunch, and himself. In the picture Kenny was holding hands with a blond girl, who was picking her nose with her free hand.

''What's the name of the person I'm supposed to kill?'' Kenny asked from Damien and Pip.

''Kelly Chambers'' Pip said after looking at his list.

Just then a cat knocked down a candle, which caused curtains to start burning.

Kenny ran to the girls bed and started shaking it, and shouting to wake her up.

''What are you doing?'' Damien asked.

''Trying to save her.'' Kenny shouted and countinued shaking the bed.

''Kenny, you know the rules, her name is on the list. You have to let her die.'' Pip said, looking worried.

''Screw the rules, I'm doing what's right. She's too young to die.'' Kenny said without stopping shaking the bed.

''Are you doing what's right or what's the most selfish thing you could do?'' Damien said, remembering the when Kenny told him about the only girl who he had ever truly loved.

Just then the girl woke up, and noticing the flames, screamed.

''Kelly what's wrong?'' Her father asked after entering the room, and after noticing the flames countinued ''Oh my god, we have to get out of here.''

He grapped her up, and they ran out of the building.

* * *

Few hours later, after the fire department had put out the fires, a man in black suit turned to the crowd that had gathered.

''All right, move along people, it's oblivious that this whole thing was caused by a gas leak.'' The man said.

''Gas leak?'' Mr. Chambers asked. ''But we don't even use gas.''

''When I say that it was a gas leak, it was a gas leak!'' The man shouted.

''Fine, I just said that we don't use gas.'' Mr Chambers said, and returned to his family. The man however pulled a phoned from his pocket and dialed a number.

''We got a turd in a punchbowl, I repeat we got a turd in a punchbowl. You know what to do.'' As the man put the phone back to his pocket, two more men in black suits got out of a black van, and walked to where Mr Chambers and his family were.

''Sir, could you come with us'' One of the men said, and Mr Chambers got up and started to follow them.

''Where are taking him?'' His wife asked.

''We just need him to sign some insurance papers.'' The other man said.

The two men led Mr Chambers to a dark alley, and the man who said that the fire was caused by gas leak joined them.

''What's going on here?'' Mr Chambers asked. ''Who are you?''

''Agents Grayson'' one of the men spoke, and pointed to himself ''Taylor'' a tall black man nodded ''And Leng'' an asian man also nodded. ''We're with the SCCU''

''SCCU, what is that?'' Mr Chambers asked.

''Supernatural crime cover up unit'' Agent Grayson answered. ''It's was started in the sixties to hunt down any creatures that might have escaped from Project Imagination doorway.''

''Goddamnit Paul.'' Agent Leng said. ''You were not supposed to tell that.''

''Sorry Kai, my bad.'' Agent Grayson said sounding embarrased.

''But you see Mr Chambers'' Agent Leng said as he pulled out a silenced pistol. ''You ask too many questions, and because of that, we can't have you walking around.''

Agent Leng shot Mr Chambers in the head, and Kenny moved in and touched Mr Chambers, and his spirit appeared next to him, and they watched as the three agents dragged body of Mr Chambers away.

''Sir, before you ask anyting, yes you are dead, and you are dead only because that guy'' Damien said, pointing to Kenny. ''Screwed up, and didn't kill your daugther.''

''You did the right thing.'' Mr Chambers said to Kenny. ''Every man should be ready to die for their child.''

''Are you sure that the hundreds of other who die because of this will also feel that way?'' Damien asked, but before he could answer, Mr Chambers disapeared in a flash of light.

* * *

**_Authors Note: Sorry about long delay in updating this, but I have been very busy lately, but things are starting to look little better now. Also, first one to guess correctlty from where the names of three agents come from, gets a oneshot request. To answer, send me a PM or leave a review (guest reviews will not be counted)_**


End file.
